A Few Words on Requests

DJs abhor requests. Combine having some girl perching over the booth while you're concentrating, drink precariously close to becoming a £10k disaster, and the fact that this slurring mess thinks Katy Perry is an appropriate outro to your current dark techno obscurity, it's not hard to see why. If this hypothetical girl represents yourself, please pay attention, the following tips are for DJs trying avoid you.

A DJ's first trick is to say they'll play it later. You won't. Done frequently, it ensures the people stick around for their song, keeping the venue full, and the drinks flowing, management will love you. Hopefully they'll get so drunk their request is forgotten.

The second trick, a personal favourite, is the intense power blanking. Suddenly look like your are focussing hard on mixing, make it look really intense. It works surprisingly well, earning the response of "I'll catch you in a bit". People rarely return.

Sometimes it's best saying you don't have the song. While people, with any IQ greater than a muffin, will realise that their quest for "Anaconda" is futile, some people insist that it's on their phone which you can just plug in. If you see nothing wrong with this, walk out the club and stand in the middle of a busy junction.

What I'm trying to get at here, is the DJ is being paid because they are experienced. Sure your song may rock but if it is not fitting with the night, or it's the wrong moment to play, they won't compromise themselves for one clubber. If you want a jukebox, find a pub.